Proper Etiquette, Wedding Showers

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Bridal showers are a wonderful tradition but, like most traditions, their modern applications raise many questions. Here are some of the most frequently asked etiquette questions about bridal showers.

It had long been considered a breach of etiquette for the bride's family members to host showers. Why? Because the main point of a shower is to give gifts to the bride and it could seem as if her family were

How To Address Bridal Shower Invitations

For gifts. Today, while it's still a faux pas for an engaged couple to throw their own shower, pretty much anyone else can host one. Family members frequently step in to host showers, especially when common sense dictates such a solution. For example, the bride may be visiting her future in-laws and the groom’s mother or sister wants to invite hometown friends and family to meet her. Or, the bridal party is spread around the country and it’s difficult to pinpoint a common geographic location to gather and celebrate. Sometimes several of the bride's friends or relatives may host the shower together, sharing the expenses and the organizing. Let individual circumstances be your guide when determining who should serve as host.

Yes, normally anyone invited to a shower would be invited to the wedding. One exception: when coworkers wish to throw an office shower for the bride even though they are not being invited to the wedding.

Multiple showers are okay, but be sure to invite different guests to each party. Generally, only close family and members of the wedding party may be invited to more than one shower.

Wedding Etiquette: Bringing Everything Together

As a guest, if you're invited to more than one shower, you only need to bring a gift to the first one—and that goes for members of the wedding party, too. If you don't want to come to the second party empty-handed, you can always bring something inexpensive, such as a small bouquet, chocolates, or even some homemade goodies. Brides: if you have a guest in this position, it's nice to make a mention of their previous gift.

It's up to the host to decide the number of guests. A shower should be an intimate party—not a gathering that rivals the wedding—so the guest list is usually made up of the couple's close friends, family, and attendants. The host usually consults the bride to be sure that shower guests are wedding guests.

Showers for both the bride and the groom—called Jack and Jill showers—are popular these days, and showers for the groom only are a recent phenomenon. Couples' showers can be themed: examples include room of the house, hour of the day, gourmet cook, and great outdoors showers.

Bridal Shower Gifts: The Essential Guide

) the invitation. A registry list is just a suggestion; it’s important to remember that the choice of a gift is always up to the giver.

Yes. If the bride has been married before, she may be given a shower. Other than close friends and relatives, the guest list generally does not include people who came to a shower for her first wedding. If friends plan to invite people who have already showered the honoree, then a luncheon, tea, or cocktail party—without gifts—is a better way to go.

The choice of whether to have a shower is up to the couple. The guidelines are the same, regardless of the sex of the couple.

All The Bridal Shower Etiquette Tips You Need To Know

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Jaimie Mackey was the real weddings editor at from 2013 to 2015. She also worked as a luxury wedding planner and produced over 100 high-end weddings and events in Colorado

Traditional etiquette states that if you receive an invitation to a wedding (even if you can’t make it), you should send the couple a wedding gift. But, a wedding isn’t the only celebration you’ll be invited to. You might be wondering if same rule applies to other pre-wedding events where gifts are expected. Do you have to send a bridal shower gift if you're not attending? And, what should you be giving to your newly engaged friend or family member if you can join in on the festivities?

How To Word Bridal Shower Invitations

Want to get a lowdown on gifts for the next bridal shower you're invited to? We asked national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman to share all you need to know about how to properly shower the bride-to-be. From how much to spend to what style gift you should choose, we'll provide guidance to lead you to the perfect present.

Bridal shower gifts are smaller and more modest than wedding gifts. Each couple has their own particular needs and requests, says Gottsman. A registry is the basic indicator of what you should buy. Some couples will set up a registry specifically for the event, while others will include those items on their main registry. Check with the hostess to see where you should be shopping. Common bridal shower gifts include kitchenware, from small appliances or utensils to towels or dishes.

Shower gifts tend to stick to the event's specific theme if it has one. A cooking class shower might require a gift of your favorite cookbook, while the hostesses of a lingerie shower will ask for, well, lingerie. A spa shower is a perfect time to shower the bride with bath products or a plush robe. Pay attention to the event’s theme, and if you will want the bride to open your gift during the shower, make sure yours fits right in. (Of course, if you are sending the gift directly to the bride and don’t want it opened at the shower, you can gift the bride whatever you feel is appropriate.)

Bridal Shower Gift Etiquette: How Much To Spend & More

How much you want to or able to spend is really a personal choice, there's no required amount. This is why a registry is helpful because you can find great ideas with different price points that are keeping within your financial situation, Gottsman says.

Mean you have to send a gift even if you can’t attend. So, if your best friend’s shower is on the same weekend as your cousin’s wedding, or it’s just too far for you to attend the shower and the wedding, you’re not expected to get the bride a present. Of course, the guestlist for a bridal shower is usually pretty exclusive. Only family members and close friends make the cut, meaning you might want to send a little something anyway to mark the occasion. It's not obligatory to buy a gift if you can't attend the shower, but it's a nice gesture if you are close to the bride, says Gottsman. Be sure to include a card letting the bride know you wish you could be there.

If you want to participate from afar, send your gift to the hostess or another guest in advance of the event. That way, it can be added to the gift table and opened along with the other presents toward the end of the shower. If the bride won’t be opening gifts during the shower, arrange for yours to arrive in the days leading up to or immediately following the event, and send it directly to the bride. If you want to send a check, money is always a great alternative but make sure you put it in a beautiful card, says Gottsman. When possible, send the gift ahead of time. Generally, the registry will do this for you.

Bridal Shower Etiquette: 6 Dos And Don'ts You Need To Know

If you choose to send a beautiful bouquet or a nice bottle of their favorite wine, champagne, or liquor, be sure to arrange for a delivery on the day of, or have one of the attendees coordinate with you to pick up a package or sign for the delivery. You can even add in a nice vase or a bespoke bottle opener for an extra touch of class.

Occasionally, there may be multiple showers if different close friends or family members want to celebrate the bride. This often happens if the bride's family isn't local and they want to get together in another region. When multiple people want to host they can break it up into two showers, says Gottsman. But, be careful not to have too many showers or at least change up the guest list so people don't have to attend several. If you're invited to multiple showers for the same couple, don't feel like you need to bring a