Guest list got you down? This one’s for you, friend… So buckle up, because today we’re going to tackle what is arguably one of the most difficult tasks of planning–wedding guest list etiquette.
After today’s post, you’ll be able to answer those hard-hitting wedding guest list etiquette questions like, who gets a plus-one? Should you have a B-list? How do we tell everyone it’s an “adults-only” wedding?
Traditionally, your guest list should be divided into three equal parts–one third for the bride’s parents, one third for the groom’s parents, and one third for friends of the couple. (And that rule applies no matter who is paying for the wedding.)
Your Ultimate Wedding Etiquette Guide Based On The Top 10 Questions — Preston Barn
Keep in mind, the rule of thirds doesn’t always work, especially if you have a limited budget or venue space. Do what’s comfortable for you and your fiancé, and be fair.
A B-list is a backup guest list. These are people you’d love to celebrate with, but may not be able to accommodate due to limited budget or venue space. If enough guests on your original list decline the RSVP, you can send another round of invitations to your B-list.
B-lists are super tricky–you’ve been warned! It’s like when a friend asks you to go to a party with them, and later you find out they asked, like, seven other people
Dos And Don'ts Of Wedding Etiquette
But, B-lists are worth considering, especially if you want to invite close friends who were cut from the original list. There are a few ways to tactfully handle a B-list.
The first rule of having a B-list is don’t talk about your B-list. It’s important to keep it on the DL to prevent any hurt feelings.
Second, send your first round of invitations at least 10-12 weeks ahead of the big day. Once you get a few declines in, send the B-list invitations around 8 weeks ahead of your wedding date.
A Guide To Destination Wedding Etiquette
You may choose to have two reply-by dates on your response card to give B-listers more time. However, I’d advise against it to avoid confusion when counting your RSVPs, and on the off-chance that guests get wind of the two different dates.
Absolutely! It’s totally acceptable to have an intimate ceremony followed by a large reception afterward. However, it doesn’t work the other way around–all guests invited to your ceremony
Keep in mind that invitation wording is key for this one. The key is to announce your marriage, not invite guests to witness it. Try this, for example:
The Etiquette Of Second Weddings
And to make things easier for yourself, I recommend printing one wedding invitation that invites everyone to the reception, and include a smaller ceremony card for guests invited to the actual marriage ceremony.
Technically, no, it can come across as rude. However, there are a few clever workarounds. First, address the envelopes to the parents only. (They’ll get the hint, trust me!) Optionally, be sure to reference that your wedding is adults-only on your wedding website.
You don’t necessarily need to add “and guest” when it comes to save the date envelope addressing. The save the date is a prequel to your wedding invitation–it’s a bit less formal and just lets guests know to reserve your big day on their calendar. For this reason, I recommend couples address save the date envelopes to the main person being invited to the wedding.
Wedding Invitation Wording & Etiquette Guides From Wedding Expert Ewi
Addressing your envelopes is key in this situation. Address all invited guests on the envelope. You can also make a note about limited venue space or budget restrictions on your wedding website. Additionally, you may want to add this to your rsvp card:
It’s time for some truth serum, y’all–but there will be some guests (maybe quite a few) who won’t send back your RSVP cards. Either they aren’t coming or they simply forgot. Either way, it’s time to pick up the phone and call them.
I recommend phoning late RSVPers as soon as your rsvp date passes. This will give you plenty of time to get a final headcount before the big day.
Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, 6th Edition — Emily Post
And there you have it, friend! Hopefully these tips will get you started. If you want even more tips and tricks on wedding stationery, then you might be interested in the Wedding Guest List Organizer, which goes along with this post.Q: I made the mistake of sending someone a guilt-induced save the date for our wedding. This person assumed she would be invited to our wedding, and I figured I liked her well enough (and let’s face it: I’m a people pleaser), so I sent it out. Then we barely talked for months, and when we did it was usually her asking me to explain my political beliefs to her, or her telling me those beliefs are wrong. Surprise, surprise, I realized we don’t really have much of a relationship, and this is how it’s been the entire six or seven years we’ve known each other. She seems to only want to take from me—advice, attention, validation, or whatever it is.
I talked this over with my fiancé and we agreed that we should just not send her a wedding invitation at all… but now I feel incredibly guilty. I feel like I’m actively excluding her, like I’m being overly mean, and like she’ll assume I un-invited her because of our political differences. It’s one of those situations where I truly don’t know how she feels about me and the situation (or if she’d even care), so my brain is spiraling in worry circles about it.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I also don’t want to spend any part of our wedding day worrying about whether drama is happening between her and the other guests, or thinking about the uncomfortable conversations we’ve had recently. We sent all of our invitations out yesterday, but the wedding is still more than two months away… so there’s time to send her one.
Bridal Wedding Etiquette
I’m curious, was the mistake sending the save the date in the first place, or withholding the invitation? Is it ever okay to send a save the date without following up with an actual invite?
A:Before I get into the ethics of wedding etiquette (if you will), let’s jump in with the more esoteric question, because honey, this political question is
In my dream wedding world scenario, people only invite the friends and family that they love and who love them back, and everyone is happy and gets along and there’s no drama and you exit into rainbows and sunshine and fairy whispers. Of course, life doesn’t always work like our imaginary dream worlds. Furthermore, when it comes to political disagreements with friends, it’s worth thinking about it like this: if the person is annoying but is ultimately on your team (maybe she likes Bernie and you like Hillary and you’re frustrated, or maybe you’re an Independent and she’s a Republican, but you generally agree on life things…), then, you know, deal. Presidential campaign years are a bitch like that. However, if she’s unapologetically supporting a candidate that is openly racist, misogynistic, and overwhelmingly horrible and you’re not into that (you know, not to name names…), maybe consider un-inviting her from your life.
Your Top 10 Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered
Where is the line, and how do you know when to draw it? It probably differs for everyone, but for me, I do like to have friends who have different views, but don’t want to surround myself with racists ever. But while it might be tempting to un-invite a friend from my wedding who has political differences, it wouldn’t be as easy to un-invite my many, many family members who have those same differences. So if she’s just annoying but mostly harmless, then you have to just deal.
So with the politics taken care of, let’s talk etiquette. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that quite a few people have sent out save the dates and then decided somewhere along the line that actually having some of those people at the wedding isn’t such a great idea. And to that point, I do think that you potentially made a big mistake. To me, the mistake isn’t not sending the wedding invite; it’s that you sent the save the date in the first place. Save the dates are such a funny thing in the wedding world these days, because they can mean different things to different people.
I think the original idea of a save the date is what the name says: a little notice that says, “Oh hey, we’re getting married on this day! Formal invite to follow, but mark it on your calendars.” Unless, of course, you didn’t include “formal invite to follow” (which is something I see lacking from save the dates all the time). Because you know what? If you didn’t note that people will receive a separate invitation, the save the date
Wedding Etiquette Who Pays For What When It Comes To A Wedding?
Make that note, some of your guests might still consider the save the date the actual invite… which means she might be coming anyway, and you don’t even know about it.
So perhaps the best thing to do is to figure out if she’s planning to come to the wedding at all. First and foremost, you said that you guys have mutual friends (or at least,
